I wrote this right after I turned 30. Asking these types of questions have been so key to my personal growth and breakthrough on my journey. Acknowledge where you are at TODAY and give yourself grace...
I think there has to be a psychology behind color- specifically choosing your favorite one. At one point my oldest son decided that his favorite color was ALL OF THEM- and then eventually narrowed it down to the color: rainbow. Ha! And the hubby for the longest time decided he could not choose one specific color and be tied down to that one decision for all of eternity ;-).
Others change their colors frequently while another stays true blue for a life time…
But I do strongly believe that even this simple question and the way in which you process your answer says something about you.
So what is it...what is YOUR favorite color? (Comment below ;-D)
For the longest time I was determined to make sure that my favorite color had to be something important- none of this green, blue, red stuff... It needed to have a fascinating name like sea-foam-green, fire-engine-red, violet OR what I finally landed on turquoise. “Turquoise,” isn't that just an awesome word and says that you are just so interesting and mysterious??? Especially when you say it's your favorite after the other person says blue…
Well, although I do still like the word and the color I'm feeling I'm in a new color season (wow that's deep. Thank you, I know...)
I've been closing my eyes and thinking about different colors and I feel unable to make a decision because, well, there are a million different colors...how could I pick one when I haven't seen them all? What if I pick one and there is actually a better one?
And there it was, the psychology behind my thought process. Even in such an inconsequential, non life impacting decision I doubt myself and my choices. I don't want to make a mistake. I don't want to miss out. Dang! And so perhaps I never end up deciding because the fear of failure and the fear of missing out makes me stay where it's safe and known. Dang dang dang!!!
And as I ponder all these things I'm overhearing the conversation of 5, early 20's, lawyer students on their way to a court competition (or something..). They are so excited, so full of life and possibilities. With no doubts- they are sure they will change lives and maybe even the world.
And in that moment I felt colorless. Like somewhere along the last 6-10 years I slowly lost my color. My excitement, my passion, my vision. What if in another 10 years I lose myself completely???
I have to fight for myself...not because anyone is trying to hurt me or take something from me... But because who I am is amazing and a beautiful, colorful gift to those around me.
I have to fight for my color, for my vision. "Vision gives pain purpose." And so in painful times of growth, confusion, spit up, sleepless nights, or whatever the heck it is that can cause so much pain to the self and the dreams- I will know it's all for something.
And that's where I have to process…
I've become (painfully aware) that I've lost my color. (Wow that's sounding dramatic.)
Well, I don't think it's too far gone- just a little buried and tweaked with time and changes. I GET TO choose my path and it will be the right one for me. It may not look the way it did pre-marriage and kids and financial wake-up calls, but it's mine and it will be amazing.
I decide what the perfect life is and the one I'm living is perfect for me. I am exactly where I am supposed to be and am free to make the choices and decisions I need to make. I will not fail, I will not miss out. I will be happy. I will love. I will be the best me I can be.
I'll get back soon when I've arrived at my favorite color... I'm seeing a warm, yellow/orange/golden color but not sure what the name would be. It makes me feel happy, hopeful, trusting.