Thanksgiving "Break"
Thanksgiving "Break"
For most stay-at-home moms and parents, this is a joke. Sending your kids to school is the break- but a week of spending every minute of every hour of every day with your kids is not a break. It's not bad but it's not vacation.
And for whatever reason, these last few days have been harder than most. Trying to clean a house that just doesn't stay clean feels like a pit of despair. Wanting to be with faraway family but trying not to think too much about the fact that no family is around. And it's Thanksgiving, it's supposed to be the best, happiest time!
Last night Tristan (our 8 year old) prayed a prayer that went something like this:
T- "God please help us to have a good day tomorrow and please help mom to not be mad about every-thing..."
Me- 😳 "hey!"
T- "and...(mom! I'm not done)...and please help me, Aria and Cohen to not be bad and to listen..."
Great! Just great! This is the truth- I was secretly saying "yes Lord to all of the above." Lord please help us to just ALL control ourselves!!!
I have been mad and mean and tired. It's so much easier to be kind, hopeful, and loving AFTER they all go to bed. I check in on them after they are asleep and feel so thankful for my beautiful, amazing kids. But then the next day comes and I'm short and grumpy... why?!?!?!?
I have to retrain my brain -this is SO not easy- to respond with love, thankfulness, compassion and understanding. This will for sure take baby steps or an absolute miracle as I have formed pathways between neurons that respond with frustration and anger to things not going the way I want them to.
It's hard but the steaks are too high- I see the arguing and fighting, the frustration and lack of compassion rising in my kids and I know I have to make a change.
I have to take the time to look at what I am feeling and why. Why do I feel anger when things are out of my control? Why do I yell when the water spills? Or glare when someone comes in tattling? I need to figure this out...for my heart and their's and for the hearts of their kids. This may sound dramatic BUT sometimes when I'm mad I feel like I can step out of myself and see my mom's face or my dad's voice, angry about the same kinds of things my siblings and I would do. I for sure got spanked for spilling my drink!
So I need a rewire and this feels impossible. And I know that Thankfulness is my key- don't worry about anything, pray about everything, tell God what you need and THANK HIM FOR ALL HE HAS DONE.
When my reaction wants to go it's normal route...take a breath, find something to be thankful for and then respond. Thankfulness brings connection to everything around you- like psychologically- fa reals :-). The same neurons that fire when you are thankful for the trees, the sunset, your kids laughing, a good cup of coffee...are the same ones that fire when we are connecting to each other and the world around us. So thankfulness brings connection. And I think that's what I'm missing when I explode.... a lack of connection to God's heart for me, my children, my family and my purpose.
Thank you God for all you have done and for grace on this freak'n hard journey.